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Clients can become exasperated by all of my “what if” questions as I try to provide for future changes of circumstance. I do this with the hope that their agreement can address these changes so they never need to return to mediation.
However, there are some things that can never be anticipated, and other circumstances that, while they might happen, are not worth the time and effort to explore at the time the couple is separating.
So, what to do if something changes and your agreement doesn’t work for you any longer?
First, talk to your ex and see if you can work it out on your own. If it is something minor like wanting to tweak the days or times of access, you can just agree upon it. If it is something major like a relocation, change in primary residential parent, or a change in support, you would need an amendment to your agreement, and then an amendment to your judgment of divorce.
If you cannot agree to everything on your own, then I would suggest contacting a mediator. Most separation agreements and all mediated agreements contain a provision that provides if there is a future conflict, the parties will first address it in mediation. Even if the mediation first clause is not in your agreement, mediation is always an option if you both agree to mediate.
Why mediation first?
Whether you mediated your initial agreement or not, mediation should be your first choice for a number of reasons:
It gives you the greatest likelihood of achieving an agreement that will be in the best interests of both you and your children.
You can start the process quickly.
You can control the costs.
You and your ex speak for yourselves rather than having attorneys speaking for you.
At this point in your life, it is important that you control and decide your future circumstances just as when you were getting divorced.
Future posts will consider the different types of issues that may unexpectedly arise after you are divorced and what possible resolutions you can consider. Finding some bumps along the way post-divorce? Mediation may help smooth them out. Give us a call if you would like to talk about it.
Clare A. Piro
Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue
Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848